i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
