Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
