i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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