You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
