Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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