Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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