She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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