STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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