Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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