My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
