So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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