I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Still dying that you shit outside
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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