remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
