Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
