trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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