Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize