i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
