she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
