i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
