Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
