LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
