After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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