are you so shy because you have an std?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
