I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
