someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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