Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
