Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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