She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
