that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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