Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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