we made out on top of his cat.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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