i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Randomize
