There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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