I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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