Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
