The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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