I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
