Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
