He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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