turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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