Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
