The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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