have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mom said you looked used
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
