the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
