Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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