Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
