We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
