I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
