Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
