Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
