ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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