Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
