Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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