There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is this like a preordered booty call?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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