what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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