he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
