Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
