Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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