Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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