he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
