i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
