The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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