I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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