Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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