just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
