I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
