OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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