CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
