he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Come see our sink grown plant.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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