I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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