Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I just sharted jello shots
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
