Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
