if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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